CHCH News - "The Chaos Bomb"

My study is a disorganized mess. It didn’t start out to be that way. About a year ago, I textured the walls. Then, after careful consideration, I found the right shade and painted the walls and ceiling. Arranging the furniture to suit my needs and my working comfort level took some time, as this was a project that I worked on after working for a paycheck and doing other projects around the house and outside. The theme is primarily Oriental, although there are some eclectic additions to the décor that were placed because they somehow seemed to fit in. The Aztec head and the Egyptian carved stone just seem to lend themselves to the overall sense of the room. The prints are mostly 60 or more years old, including the six pre WWII Fujiyama prints the hang on the wall to my left as I write this.

My books were placed in close proximity to the computer table, which is going to be replaced in the spring. I have a 50’s table, a side table that I’ll finish refinishing in the spring, and the current rest for my computer will be relegated to the garage. I like my book close at hand - I have the old fashioned habit of using them to find out things. There’s a pleasure in books that cannot be found in a search engine, no matter how much data it can provide you in how small an amount of time.

I had the room all finished in early December, and was enjoying the fruits of my labor, when disaster happened. On Christmas Eve, Cappuccino came into my life. No, not the coffee, but a small dog of indeterminate breed, nicknamed “Cappy”, who took over the house and my heart. He took about five minutes to be in total control of the Princess, my lovely wife, and then he proceeded to take over everything. As I write, under my colonial table is a water bowl and a food bowl. Next to my chair is a basket filled with numerous toys that squeak, rattle, are chewable, or are used for man-dog tugs of war. Another flat round basket holds a blanket and is used for naps and the evening rest.

My careful organization and the fruition of all my plans over the period of a year was laid to waste in a matter of days by one small dog. Confusion and chaos seem to be the order of the day around here, and the King of Chaos weighs less than eighteen pounds. Oddly, I seem to feel more comfortable with the new order of things. We carefully plan everything that we can, to place ourselves in control, and then life happens. God seems to delight in throwing the unexpected in our direction, as if to see how His Creation will deal with it. And there is a lot of life that happens because plans conflict with plans, nature intrudes, or circumstances change.

Old as I am, I have to confess that I delight in it. Chaos just seems to be more fun than order, although there seems to be an order even in chaos. After all, the well-aimed monkey wrench does not appear until precisely the right time to foul up a plan. Never too early, never too late. That’s order in chaos. We human beings have a habit of muddling through just about everything that comes in our way, most of the time in spite of oft well-intentioned help from sources that would better serve us by leaving us alone. We learn from our mistakes, albeit often painfully, and we try to pass on lessons learned to the next generation, although they don’t often listen. Seems they prefer to make their own mistakes and repeat some of ours, too.

Society seems to be gravitating, sadly, toward a controlled, safe, mistake-free environment, however, one that is as boring and bland as vanilla pudding. Chaos seems to be something that our Nanny, the government, wants firmly under control, subject to rules, regulations, and requirements, carefully measured in doses, and doled out with the appropriate warning label attached.

Life is supposed to be an adventure. But adventure has been proven to be hazardous to your health, so there are strictures placed on adventure, and someday it will be outlawed altogether. Chaos seems to face two enemies. The Government wants to regulate it, and the ACLU will, no doubt, sue to have it declared unconstitutional.

I found myself wondering this morning about the whole concept of control, organization, of eliminating chance, of making everything safe, and it came to me that it can’t ever be done. It’s impossible. Sad thing is, the government hasn’t figured it out, the ACLU will sue to prove me wrong, and the Liberals firmly believe that they can make it happen if only everyone cooperates and behaves in a sheeply manner. There is a weapon out there of such majestic destructive force, that none of the forces aligned against it can possibly survive its use. So far, they aren’t aware of it, and thus haven’t gotten around to placing an interdict on it.

Dear Readers, each and every one of you can use this weapon against those who would control your life. It’s simple. First, identify that person who seems to be most involved in establishing control. This could be a person in your town or city that works for the city, state, or Federal government. You’ll notice that the person you’ve identified works long and hard to maintain control in his/her life, too. I think they do this to demonstrate that it can be done.

Once you have identified this person, it’s time to launch a weapon of such massive destructive capabilities that they will be unable to defend themselves against it. Few are immune to it, nearly all who are attacked with it succumb to chaos, disorder, and confusion, and it has a nearly total effect of causing uncontrolled laughter, happiness, and a new sense of what’s really important. Give them a puppy.

Then, sit back and watch chaos reign supreme!

NOTE: Copyright 01/14/05 by Dave Hoffman

Use granted to all who identify author.

Beneficium accipere libertatem est vendere.