Some Random Thoughts

Seeing as I am “creatively challenged” this week (that’s PC for writer’s block), here are some random thoughts…

Have you ever noticed that although liberals are forever talking about compassion, they never have any for taxpayers?

Does President Bush need help in locating a veto pen? Should I send him a box of pens with the word “veto” embossed in gold on each one? If I did, would he use them?

Why is it that every time I reorganize my desk so that I can find things easily, I suddenly can’t find anything?

Is everything that is being pitched on these television gadget offers now $19.95? If I don’t call now but call later, will the price go up?

And those operators that are “standing by”? What, they don’t allow them to sit down? Does the Labor Board know about this?

Speaking of gadgets, remember the old Veg-O-Matic? It sliced, diced and minced anything – especially your fingers…if you’d like to have my old one, just send $19.95.

Has anyone ever noticed that Senator Joe Lieberman looks and sounds a little bit like the cartoon character Droopy Dog?

President Bush seems to be getting chummy with Bill Clinton. In a recent visit to the White House, Clinton was admiring the new rug in the Oval Office – the one that took the place of the one Bill and Monica played hide the cigar on. If I were Dubya, I wouldn’t turn my back on Slick Willie. It’s either that or break out the carpet cleaner afterwards to be safe.

Why is that those who preach “tolerance” generally extend it only to those with whom they agree?

Why do they call them “childproof caps” on bottles when the only ones who can open them are children?

For the married guys who have ever had to pick up “feminine products” on the way home – is it me, or does one need an advanced degree to understand all the choices? Mini, maxi, super-maxi, maxi-plus, light days, panty liners, longs, regulars, scented, unscented, with wings and without wings – and what the hell are wings anyway? And why do women need them? Do they plan on taking flight? And where does one call to make a reservation? “Hello, Travelocity?”

Have you ever noticed while driving through lower income Black sections of town, that all the houses seem to have more chairs than porch? Eclectic assortments of resin, rocking, La-Z Boy recliners and couches seem to take up any and all walking areas. Maybe it’s just here in the South…

Why do they call it the “Department of the Interior” when it regulates stuff outdoors?

Whatever happened to the days when toys and small electronic devices came with labels that said, “batteries included”? And is there such a thing as a parent who doesn’t panic over the phrase, “some assembly required”?

Is the clothes dryer a haunted house for socks? How come two go in but only one comes out?

How come those “easy tear” packages of lunch meat, cheese and so forth never tear easily?

Does the UPS man always arrive with a package that must be signed for on a day you look like Phyllis Diller (my wife swears this happens).

And whatever happened to the old fashioned 61/2 ounce Coca-Cola bottle? Coke always seemed to taste better out of those little returnable bottles. For that matter whatever happened to the original recipe Coca-Cola? I’m not even sure whether the present incarnation is supposed to be Old Coke, Coke Classic, the “New” Coke or something else. Ah the hell with it, I’ll just drink a Pepsi.

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