"A Heartbeat Away from Forever"

I quit smoking on August 30th, 2004. Don’t get scared, this isn’t a lecture on the evils of smoking. In fact, I have no intention of attempting to persuade anyone to quit. It’s just that quitting is a part of everything that happened, so I wanted to mention it. I firmly believe that all the lectures, advertisements, lectures, and advice from well-meaning friends will serve no purpose whatsoever if the desire to quit isn’t there. I quit after returning from a vacation to New Jersey to visit my sweet Rose, my darling sister, who is recovering from esophageal cancer. I guess I kinda figured it was the best thing to do.

I pretty much quit drinking a couple of months ago.

For some reason, I just wasn’t interested in my nightly glass of wine. The doctors will tell you that a glass of red wine daily is good for your circulation, and I guess being a quarter Sicilian made it a genetic thing. Again, I’m not trying to persuade anyone to quit drinking, but this too had a bearing on what was to come.

I guess diet is next. Princess takes pretty good care of me these days, although I’d been known to pig out on all of the things doctors identify as being bad for you. We tend to stick to lean meats and poultry and fish. Fresh fruits and veggies are also a staple partof our diet, and I’m not much of a sweets eater these days, although the past has a way of catching up with you when you least expect it. It caught up with me, but we’re getting there.
Remember how they talk about exercise? I’d like to show a picture of Cappie with this article, but I don’t know how. He’s small and very furry, a little less than eighteen pounds, and he came to me as a Christmas gift. Someone dumped him in a dumpster in agarbage bag. He was found (with his mother, in the same position) and delivered to the North Texas Animal Shelter. I fell in love with him at first sight, and I started walking him twice a day in the park near my house. It’s about a mile and a half around the park,and Cappie had me there twice a day, walking three miles total. He never cared if it was raining or cold, he wanted to be out.

Then there’s Someone who was on the periphery of my life throughout my life, very patient, a Friend who waited for me to ask Him to be with me. I call Him the Carpenter, a trade I’m sure He learned from His stepfather, but His name is Jesus.

Finally, there’s the Dallas Veterans Administration Medical Center (VAMC). It’s gotten a bad rap in the papers in the Metroplex over the past few weeks, but my experience was different. Which leads me to Friday, February 18, 2005.

I was working Friday night, a job that requires me to carry a gun and guard a Federal installation. As I usually do, I got up early Friday morning, and spent part of the day with Princess, before going to bed for an afternoon nap. I couldn’t sleep. I had a burning sensation in the center of my chest, and I was unable to fall asleep lying down or sitting up. Princess told me I had time, and insisted that I go to the VAMC for a walk-in. She drove the twenty minute drive.

The pain continued to grow worse, turning into a pressure that felt as though I had an elephant sitting on my chest. As we got one traffic light away from the hospital grounds, she told me “I’ll drop you off at the entrance, and park the car.” My left arm went numb, and I knew I was in trouble. I told her to drop me off at the emergency ambulance entrance. She did, and I went inside, toward the double glass doors leading to the Emergency room. There was a large black man in scrubs, on the other side of the door, and for some reason he stopped, turned, and looked at me. As he did, I collapsed. He got me inside, on a bed, and I found myself the center of a beehive. The left sleeve of my shirt was cut to the shoulder, and they promptly went to work starting an IV line, which just as promptly blew out. They cut my right sleeve to the shoulder and started a second, at the elbow, which was successful. Nitro under the tongue, chew an aspirin, and then…..

Both legs and both arms went tingly, then numb, and I could feel the energy in my body flowing toward the center, like it was preparing to leap out of my body and leave the shell behind. I looked up through a fog and prayed to the Lord, asking only for a little more time with my Princess, one last chance to see her, and at the conclusion of my prayer I felt myself expanding back into my body. They told me they had to do a cardiac cath, and accepted my scribbled signature on a document as consent, before wheeling me up to the third floor.

I found myself being prepped and numbed in the groin area, although my mind was still wandering through valleys of disorientation, in search of a sense of complete awareness. Incision made, they inserted something in my leg, while a device overhead did some unexplainable thing to my body, using science, a gift from the mind of man through the gift from God of thought, and I found myself looking at a TV screen, staring at an image. I puzzled at the moving object I saw, wondering at its purpose, form, and function, and then I realized that it was my beating heart. Injections of dye showed a blockage, and they told me they would first cleat it, then insert a stent to keep it clear. First one stent, then a second, then a third was required, and my heart was restored to itself, no longer starving for the fluid of life which it both provided to my body and required for itself.

I was transferred to MICU and attached to numerous devices, fed oxygen and a plethora of chemicals through IV designed to speed the healing process, and was reunited with Angel for the first time. The fear in her eyes was evident, but I had no way to express the fear in my heart, that I might have left her so quickly without a time to prepare.

But there is no preparation for death, it’s an inevitable stop on our journey to God, whether you ride the express train through life or travel on the local, with numerous stops and a longer journey to its destination.
I moved to a Telemetry Unit when my condition improved, on Saturday night, and the quality of care I received continued to be of the highest. (As a side note, not one, but two cardiologists did my cath.)

Finally, released, my brother Fritz brought me home to my Princess, to Cappy, to life.

Numerous changes in my lifestyle had conspired to prepare me with what happened. Now I wonder if perhaps the Carpenter to Whom I had surrendered my life had decided that He had further use for this humble tool, and so He worked to prepare me for further use. Now I am in comfort, with love of family, the kind words of friends, and the Presence of God to sustain me through the days ahead. And I thank God for his gifts, including the friends I have made.

Dear reader, I sit in front of my keyboard, a bit tired from telling this story, but joyful to be able to tell it. God bless you all, and may He continue to inspire me with the words I use to talk to you.

NOTE: Copyright 02/22/05 by Dave Hoffman
Use granted to all who identify author.

Beneficium accipere libertatem est vendere.