Satire By Lillpop
According to the Dalai Lama, conjugal life causes “too much ups and downs.”
He went on to say, “Naturally as a human being … some kind of desire for sex comes, but then you use human intelligence to make comprehension that those couples always full of trouble. And in some cases there is suicide, murder cases,” the Dalai Lama said. +++
May I offer some free advice to the holy spiritual leader?
Listen here, Dalai old boy, you must have been raised in a poor neighborhood where only bad girls lived. As one who has been dabbling in the conjugal life for decades, trust me there are not that many murders to deal with.
Most murders involve jealous husbands or boy friends. Even so, the odds for survival can be improved dramatically by romancing only ugly, fat women, those gals whose husbands could give a tinker’s damn about who the old hag is cavorting with.
As for suicides, they crop up only if one forgets to take his Viagara at least four hours before a rendezvous, or when one has purchased a very low and ineffective dosage to save money.
Dalai Lama also said, the “consolation” in celibacy is that although ‘we miss something, but at the same time, compare whole life, it’s better, more independence, more freedom.’
Sorry, Dalai, but that sounds like the kind of rationalizing that I used in high school when a particularly fair maiden rejected my invite to the prom.
“She probably has SDI or awful breath,” I would mutter to myself in order to console me. “Besides, “close dancing” can lead to gayness.”
Whatever was needed to keep my self-esteem from being shattered that is what I would tell myself.
By the way, just how in the name of all that is good and holy, can a “celibate” Buddhist Master give reliable advice on sex? How do he know whether or not “it” is worth it?
To my way of thinking, that would make about as much sense as asking a completely blind person to opine about whether contact lens or prescription glasses provide the best vision assistance!
John W. Lillpop is a Capitol Hill Coffee House staff writer.